Safe Haven
by starcelt
Summary: One Shot. Pre Season One. Who does Dean turn to when his world is ripped out from underneath him?


Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural and I profit from nothing. Just playing for fun.

Life is ever anything but fair. Dean couldn't believe that Sam had just left like that without a second thought or any consideration for him. After all he had sacrificed for the kid. He just up and left for Stanford without a backward glance. He could still remember the fight. Watching it all unfold before him all over again. The angry words, the accusations, the tension that permeated the room, the very air he breathed. His father's ultimatum. Sam's definitive answer of a slamming door. He momentarily feels again the gut wrenching panic that ran rampant through his body upon hearing that deafening slam. He then remembers vaguely running to his bed, frantically grabbing his duffle bag and blindly searching for his secret stash of cash. Breathing a sigh of relief when his hand falls upon it, quickly stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He can recall almost tripping trying to get out of the motel door, praying that Sam hadn't gotten too far ahead of him.

Luckily Sam had stopped after a few yards of walking to calm himself down. Dean could see that he was still shaking with emotional rage and approached cautiously. Taking a deep breath Dean started to try to talk to him. To salve and mediate the hurts and wounds that Sam and his father inflected on each other and inadvertently upon Dean. But Sam stopped him cold. "You can't fix this Dean. I am leaving and that is all there is to it. Dean, this will be a fresh start for me. No more hunting. A normal life that is what I want. " Dean swallowed and nodded his head his heart plummeting into his stomach, "I know. At least let me drive you to the bus stop." He remembers standing silently beside his brother waiting for the bus to take his Sammy away. Slipping his hard won savings into Sammy's coat pocket telling him that he was proud of him, to be safe and to stay in touch. Sam flinching at those last words and putting up a token of resistance against taking Dean's money but backing down at Dean's stern, no nonsense look.

The next part he remembers in full technical colour, surround sound and in slow motion. Just as Sam was about to board the bus he hesitantly turns to face Dean and rips through Dean's heart with one fell sentence. "Dean ..," Sam pauses then in a rushed breath says, "...I think it is best that I break all ties to the hunting world and that means you too, so don't try to contact me cause I won't answer." With that final statement he finally gets on the bus. Dean is screaming inside. His whole world has just been pulled out from underneath him. Shaking and feeling nauseous he watches as the bus pulls out and leaves. Shocked to his core he is helpless to stop it. Dean stands there in absolute disbelief for what seemed like an age after the bus is gone not able or willing to comprehend what Sam told him. When Dean is finally able to move the first thing he does is call Sam's cell. But as Sam promised it goes unanswered. Finally moving to get into his car. Dean drove back to the motel.

Shortly after Dean had gotten back to the motel and told his father what had happened, his father had also stormed out. Leaving Dean without a word or a clue as to where he was going or when he would be returning. Both of them had left. Left Dean to deal alone. To deal with their shit alone. His whole family, his reason for being gone with raised voices, heated words, an ultimatum, the slamming of a door, and one little utterance with a deadly serrated knifes edge.

Dean had stayed in that dingy motel room hoping and waiting. For two whole days he tried calling Sam's cell with no answer. For two whole days he tried to convince himself that the whole mess was just a nightmare. That he would wake up and both of them would still be there joking and laughing. Two whole days without a word from either brother or father before he decided enough was enough and left himself. He packed up the Impala. The only constant in his life. His baby. She was the one thing in life that had never ever let him down. With a squeal of tyres he tore out of the parking lot and never looked back.

All he wanted to do was forget. And if that meant drinking himself into oblivion and losing himself in a beautiful woman so be it. Time to forget about everyone else and think about himself for once. As selfish sounding as that is maybe, it was what was working for him for the moment. A different town and a different woman every night. Love them and leave them. Had to keep moving cause if he stopped and thought about it for a second. Well that just wasn't worth thinking about.

He had been driving aimlessly for two weeks straight. Flitting from town to town, bar to bar, woman to woman. Not really knowing where he was going. Just looking for something anything that would take the hurt away or at the very least dull it to a low throb so that he could completely ignore it. Without realising it he had ended up driving to Pastor Jim's house. Dean silently laughed at his moronic subconscious. It figured that he would end up here of all places. Jim was like an uncle to him and Sam when they were growing up, other than Bobby's, they spent more time staying here than in any other town they ever lived in. Dean considered it one of their safe havens growing up.

Well Dean thought seen as he was here he might as well go in for a visit. Maybe Caleb might be here. The two of them could work a job together. Just before Dean could knocked on the door, it opened to reveal one Pastor Jim Murphy. Jim Murphy stepped back a little in surprise not expecting anyone to be on his door step. Dean just looked at him sheepishly with his trade mark smirk and said "Hi". "Hey Dean what brings you to my neck of the woods so to speak?" Jim asked looking around Dean for Sam and John. "Oh you know was just passing through. Thought I'd drop by say hello." Jim looked at him suspiciously. "Dean where is Sam and John?" Dean flinched as he as he quickly glanced down at the wooden planks beneath his feet. Slowly breathing in deeply and gathering himself together Dean asked Jim if he could come in. Sensing Deans distress Jim quietly led him into the kitchen and pulled out a chair for him.

Dean sank gratefully into the proffered chair. He sighed and took a deep breath, biting his lip he began explaining to Jim what had occurred a few nights past. Dean's frame shuddered with repressed rage as he recounted what had happened. He barely held it together, trying to keep the emotion that gripped him in check and volume of his voice low as he expressed his utter disbelief, that both the most important and closest people to him left him alone without a second thought of what leaving would do to him. His eyes burned from unshed tears and his throat ached from the constriction he felt and the tight control he exerted on his emotions. Pastor Jim curbing his own rising rage, listened content to just be there for Dean, while silently vowing to rip John and Sam a new one the next time he laid eyes on them.

Exhausted Dean slumped into the chair relieved that he was finally able to offload and share some of the grief, loss, worry and complete abandonment he felt. Knowing that Pastor Jim would be on his side, someone that he could rely on, who understood him, and could share his burden with. Jim was someone who would provide a safe haven for him while he tried to deal with the fallout of what happened and glue the pieces of himself back together again as best he could. That might take a long time but just being there and sharing his burden was a start.


End file.
